Relationships

I want to be in a relationship where I get enough time to myself.

We live in times where there is never enough time for everything. Therefore, we constantly have to prioritize what is most worth our time; work, family, a romantic relationship, friends or hobbies.

Lonely men & tired women

It is a current trend that married men in their 30s and 40s are lonely as they have let go of their male friends. Jobs, kids, wife and aging parents have taken over and there is no longer time to hang out with the guys, play golf or go to the gym. As a result, men often gain weight, feel tired and uninspired, cranky and unattractive.

Women are more likely to maintain their friendships with other women, but other issues arise, depending on whether the women are full time or working mothers. In either case, they might feel that they never have time to themselves, life is an endless run on the hamster-wheel, and similarly to the men, they gain weight, feel tired, irritable and less desirable.

Faltering relationships

This is a dangerous trend, because while both men and women are making noble choices by putting spouses and obligations before themselves, it is not sustainable. Little by little there is more bickering, while sex, patience, and compassion are becoming faint memories of what used to be. Things start to go sour. Relationships are like babies, they need attention and love every day. If one or both partners in a romantic relationship are weighed down by chores and responsibilities, with no room for recharging, the relationship might become part of the divorce statistics.

What does recharging mean to me?

There are, undoubtedly, as many answers to this as there are people, but one thing I frequently hear from clients is the lack of alone time. This pertains to all age groups from the 20s to the 70s, and yet, hardly anybody dares to ask their partner for what they crave. They are concerned that the partner will perceive it as a rejection or lack of desire for them. What they fail to recognize is the fact that the spouse or partner might feel exactly the same way. Having alone time doesn’t mean doing anything “crazy,” it simply means doing what you desire without having to answer or relate to anybody. It might mean reading a book, taking a walk, going to the gym, playing golf, going for a drive or simply doing nothing but staring out the window.

On a deeper level, alone time allows you to connect with yourself, be true to your values, and lessen the chance of merging with the other person.

The brain needs quiet time

Alone time allows the brain to process information, to quiet down and reset.The brain thrives on change and when we get stuck in routines and togetherness, the brain can get dull. Besides feeling foggy or slow, dullness of the brain can also manifest in the body as sickness, fatigue, stiffness or pain.

In other words, having time alone helps to keep the brain sharp, and the body healthy and balanced.

Talk to your partner

If you haven’t done so already, discuss with your partner the need for time apart. It will strengthen the trust, allow you to miss each other, and make it more exciting to actually be together. The alone time can serve as a motivator to get in shape, take care of yourself, and thus be a better version of yourself, which in turn will make you a better partner and parent. It will also promote better overall health because if the stress-level goes down a tad, the stress hormone cortisol will drop and this will have a positive impact on blood pressure, cholesterol, belly fat and your heart.

In summary, alone time might save your relationship, your sex-life and your health.